In school, you surely were the teacher’s pet. A real apple polisher. A brown-noser, if you’ll excuse our Quebecois. Everybody’s best friend. Gosh darn it, you want people to like you! And they do! You’re brave. You’re a leader. You’re smart. You’re loyal. You’re a good friend. Aw shucks, your motto is, “You’ve got a friend in me.”
If you were a toy, you’d be the child’s favorite out of all the playthings in the toy box. If you were in law enforcement, you’d be the sheriff. You’ve saved your friends from Sid Phillips, the garbage heap, Japanese toy collectors, a daycare, and a landfill. Of course, your friends are a slinky, a pig, a toy telephone, a spaceman, a dinosaur, a shepherdess, and a rootin’ tootin’ cute little cowgirl. Nevertheless, doggone it, people like you. If you were a person, you’d be Tom Hanks. Wait a minute, you ARE Tom Hanks! At least the voice of. Given that American hero status, no n’er-do-wells better buy this T-shirt. Woody is strictly reserved for the law-abiding, clean-livin’, well-intentioned heroes among us.